Tuesday night Brian and I told the kids about Aunt Cindy. They were at a friend's house most of the day so that I (and Drew) could be with my uncle and cousins. Brian kept them up a little late so that when I got back we could tell them together.
Isaac didn't seem to quite get the permanence of it. Hannah and Genna's first question was, "But when we go to their house who will do crafts with us?" They loved to do crafts with their Aunt Cindy. The girls cried and we did our best to comfort them knowing that there is nothing we can really do to make it better for them. That is a hard part of parenthood, watching your kids grow up in this world, facing pains that kisses and hugs can't fix. What we can offer them is the hope and promise of eternal life that Jesus has given us. Without this, her death would be simply unbearable.
This is a hard thing for anyone to accept, the permanence of death. I can still hardly believe that I won't see her next time we go for a visit to my uncle's house. How do you learn to live without someone who had such a wonderful and welcome presence in your life?
Thursday, January 19, 2012
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
My Aunt Cindy
When we moved here in 2010, we were thrilled to finally live near some family, my aunt and uncle. We move around so much that this is a luxury that we really haven't had ever. It has been a huge blessing to us.
A year ago, Aunt Cindy had her appendix out and they found the cancer. So began her year long fight. This woman had some serious style and grace, and I always thought of her as the Jackie Kennedy of cancer patients. Until Thanksgiving I could see hardly any effects of the treatment or the disease. This is not to say she didn't have any, only that she didn't let it show and certainly never complained. She didn't like to talk much about it. I remember Isaac asking her once if she was "better yet." I am sure he was confused since she didn't look sick and yet we prayed for her healing as a family every night. She replied simply, "I'm trying."
On Christmas day, we were at their house and she was definitely a lot weaker. It was shortly after that when they decided to stop treatment. When we heard that news we dropped everything and went to visit her that very day. She was having a "good" day, my uncle had told me. So we jumped at the opportunity since just a few days before we were over for a visit and we were not able to see her since she was sleeping the whole time. This was nearly one week ago today. I didn't know that would be the last time we would ever see her. If I had known I would have made sure she knew how much she meant to me, to us. If I had known I would have told her that I hung up the plaster heart hand-prints she helped the kids make for my Christmas present. For some reason it slipped my mind that day, but I had intended to tell her how nice it looked on my bedroom wall with their photos. If I had known I would have prepared the kids more for a calmer visit. I would have brought coloring books or something to keep them busy in the confines of her bedroom. If I had known I would have written her that letter that was on my to-do list for tomorrow to tell her all the things that I could not say.
But I didn't know. I thought we had more time. We always think that, don't we? Thankfully though, for every I wish I had known, there is an I'm glad that. I'm glad that we went to see her that day, on a "good" day. I'm glad that she got to hold Drew that day and he brought her a little bit of joy. I'm glad that she didn't have a long drawn out time of suffering and that her pain was easily managed. I'm glad that she had the chance to say and do the things she wanted to before she left this earth. I'm glad that her three girls are grown and out of the nest. As a daughter, I know you always need your mom no matter how old you are. You are never old enough to lose your mom. But as a mom, I know raising your kids, teaching them, and getting them to that place of independence is so very important since no one can love and raise your kids the way you would.
Cindy passed away early this morning. She was only 47. She will be so greatly missed. She was a friend to me and a surrogate grandmother to my children. My heart and prayers are with my uncle and cousins during this incredibly difficult time. I only hope I can be of some help to them.
A year ago, Aunt Cindy had her appendix out and they found the cancer. So began her year long fight. This woman had some serious style and grace, and I always thought of her as the Jackie Kennedy of cancer patients. Until Thanksgiving I could see hardly any effects of the treatment or the disease. This is not to say she didn't have any, only that she didn't let it show and certainly never complained. She didn't like to talk much about it. I remember Isaac asking her once if she was "better yet." I am sure he was confused since she didn't look sick and yet we prayed for her healing as a family every night. She replied simply, "I'm trying."
On Christmas day, we were at their house and she was definitely a lot weaker. It was shortly after that when they decided to stop treatment. When we heard that news we dropped everything and went to visit her that very day. She was having a "good" day, my uncle had told me. So we jumped at the opportunity since just a few days before we were over for a visit and we were not able to see her since she was sleeping the whole time. This was nearly one week ago today. I didn't know that would be the last time we would ever see her. If I had known I would have made sure she knew how much she meant to me, to us. If I had known I would have told her that I hung up the plaster heart hand-prints she helped the kids make for my Christmas present. For some reason it slipped my mind that day, but I had intended to tell her how nice it looked on my bedroom wall with their photos. If I had known I would have prepared the kids more for a calmer visit. I would have brought coloring books or something to keep them busy in the confines of her bedroom. If I had known I would have written her that letter that was on my to-do list for tomorrow to tell her all the things that I could not say.
But I didn't know. I thought we had more time. We always think that, don't we? Thankfully though, for every I wish I had known, there is an I'm glad that. I'm glad that we went to see her that day, on a "good" day. I'm glad that she got to hold Drew that day and he brought her a little bit of joy. I'm glad that she didn't have a long drawn out time of suffering and that her pain was easily managed. I'm glad that she had the chance to say and do the things she wanted to before she left this earth. I'm glad that her three girls are grown and out of the nest. As a daughter, I know you always need your mom no matter how old you are. You are never old enough to lose your mom. But as a mom, I know raising your kids, teaching them, and getting them to that place of independence is so very important since no one can love and raise your kids the way you would.
Cindy passed away early this morning. She was only 47. She will be so greatly missed. She was a friend to me and a surrogate grandmother to my children. My heart and prayers are with my uncle and cousins during this incredibly difficult time. I only hope I can be of some help to them.
Aunt Cindy holding Drew on Thanksgiving day
Saturday, January 14, 2012
Officially 4 months old!
Yesterday, Drew was officially 4 months old. I weighed him on our scale, and he was 19 lbs even, hanging with Isaac's growth scale. He's a sweetie pie!
Friday, January 13, 2012
Noise
Boys are noisy. Try teaching kids with this in the background.
I suppose I should be thankful that the noises are happy ones, but (confession time) noise is the hardest part of motherhood for me. On second thought, perhaps it is tied with lack of sleep. Any compounded noise is hard on my nerves. With our growing family, surely this will get easier for me to handle. More likely it is a cross to carry, and, hopefully, it will refine me in the process.
I suppose I should be thankful that the noises are happy ones, but (confession time) noise is the hardest part of motherhood for me. On second thought, perhaps it is tied with lack of sleep. Any compounded noise is hard on my nerves. With our growing family, surely this will get easier for me to handle. More likely it is a cross to carry, and, hopefully, it will refine me in the process.
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
Movie Star
Getting a laugh on video has proven difficult since I have to either act like a complete fool or sing (and you don't want to hear that, trust me) to get him to laugh. Here's my best one.
The Johnny Jumperoo experience...
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
17 weeks and almost 4 months old!
My sweet Drew! His new accomplishment this week is blowing raspberries. He is almost rolling to his tummy from his back,
but not quite.
His new toy experience is the Johnny Jumperoo, and it went pretty well.
I think he enjoyed it.
What do you think?
What do you think?
Sorry, I just couldn't
stop taking pictures of this cutie boy!
He had a good fussy couple of days at the beginning of last week which wasn't much fun for anyone, but I will not complain because I have fussy days sometimes too. Overall, he is a joy! Such a smiley boy that no one can get enough of him around here.
He goes to sleep without crying once I leave the room, but he goes through phases where he will scream while I am reading, praying, and singing to him. It is a little annoying because that is our quiet time together, or rather it is supposed to be. Sometimes he doesn't do this and settles in, grabbing onto my thumb and finger to hold as he relaxes with me. Those are the moments that I love. Sometimes he will cry at the beginning and then suddenly relax and be nearly asleep. It is possible this is when he gets overly tired, but the times when I know I have kept him up too long are the times when he doesn't cry. So I am not exactly sure if this is random or caused by the degree of tiredness. Either way, he normally cries while I zip him up in his Woombie for just a moment, but settles right away 98% of the time. The other 2% he cries a few minutes after I leave, usually less than 5 minutes though. He's a champ!
He has not pooped in the middle of the night all week which is wonderful! He is waking earlier (~5:30am) than he was when I was nursing him in the middle of the night (~7am.) Since Isaac got into such a terrible habit of waking at 5:00am or earlier. I am really trying not to make this the norm. Three times when I have left him to cry it out he has actually gone back to sleep, but just as many times he hasn't. If he doesn't I get him up at 6am. His naps have been longer this week. I guess he is catching up from the shorter ones for several weeks before that. He also is waking if he sleeps in his car seat whenever we move him in or out of the car which is a bummer because now we have to try to leave when he is awake, be back in time for the next nap, and keep him awake in the car. This is harder than it sounds because he is only awake for 1.5 hours in between naps. I can't do much with 4 kids in that amount of time. This means he is going to have to have a short nap while we are out for piano, AHG, etc. Lucky for him, we do school at home and really can't leave a ton anyway or we wouldn't get anything accomplished.
I have tried and tried to get this little guy to take a pacifier, but so far he is looking like a possible thumb sucker. He is my only kid that has ever even found his thumb more than a couple times. The others sucked on their whole fists, which he does do from time to time.
Sunday, January 8, 2012
Asleep at the wheel
I mean at the table! Check this out!
This is what happens when you really don't want to eat your split pea soup and you missed your afternoon nap.
I carried him up to bed after discovering him like this long after everyone else had left the table. As I am laying him in bed, he halfway woke up and said, "Mom, when I get big like you and dad..." There was a long pause, and I wasn't sure if he was awake or not. Then he repeated that part of the sentence again with another pause. Then he finished the thought, "maybe I will learn to eat better."
He is normally a good, but slow eater. I have found that all of our 3 year olds just don't eat as well and have many nights where they sit at the table for a long time before either suddenly finishing or deciding they are full. This particular night was "dessert night" which we only have twice a week, and Hannah was making these Magic Marshmallows from her cook book. Isaac really wanted some, but he was just too tired. Don't worry, we'll save his for another night. I'm not that mean!
I carried him up to bed after discovering him like this long after everyone else had left the table. As I am laying him in bed, he halfway woke up and said, "Mom, when I get big like you and dad..." There was a long pause, and I wasn't sure if he was awake or not. Then he repeated that part of the sentence again with another pause. Then he finished the thought, "maybe I will learn to eat better."
He is normally a good, but slow eater. I have found that all of our 3 year olds just don't eat as well and have many nights where they sit at the table for a long time before either suddenly finishing or deciding they are full. This particular night was "dessert night" which we only have twice a week, and Hannah was making these Magic Marshmallows from her cook book. Isaac really wanted some, but he was just too tired. Don't worry, we'll save his for another night. I'm not that mean!
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