A Big Announcement and Introduction!

"To whom much is given, much is expected."

This verse plays a big part in the calling that Brian and I have felt in the last several years to adopt a baby with special needs, specifically with Down syndrome.  We have always wanted to adopt since the beginning of our marriage but things have recently aligned where we have the resources, the location stability, the family support, the money, and an abundance of love to adopt a child with special needs.  I know many people think, "Why make your life harder just when it's getting easier? " But Brian and I have never wanted just an easy life. We desire to live this life and give everything that we have for our Heavenly Father.  We want to leave this world spent and without regrets. 

I have often wondered myself though, "Am I crazy for wanting this?" While discussing this year ago with a friend of mine she suggested that maybe I volunteer with special needs kids and see if that fulfills this desire.  I thought that was an excellent idea and jumped right in.  Over the past few years I have volunteered with Special Olympics and with the local Down Syndrome Association.  Every time I did, I left feeling just so happy.  One time I took all four of my boys to volunteer, and it was hectic, let me tell you, because Bob and Judah were certainly useless as helpers at that age and just held onto my sweater and followed me around like ducklings.  However, I left feeling so happy to have spent my day with such sweet souls and glad that I'd brought the boys, even the littles, so they could see people that look and act differently than them and learn the value of all humans.  In the end, volunteering only reinforced my desire to adopt a child with special needs.

When we finally figured out where to begin and decided to begin the process, we had a few minor set backs that delayed getting approved to adopt.  A broken ankle, having to move, COVID-19.  Then there was paperwork and homestudies, finger printing and background checks to do, and a profile to develop.   Finally, one year after we desired to start the process of approval, we were registered and ready to submit our profile as situations arose.  Then came the really hard part...the waiting and the rejections.  The unknowns.  What will we be doing in a month?  Adopting a baby or still waiting while we carry on with our day to day lives?  Can we go on that trip or make those plans?  A journey of faith began.  Jesus, I trust in You.  You know the baby you have for us and we can wait for just that one.

As we have embarked on this journey we have seen many situations where parents feel that the best life for their child would be with someone else. This is a hard thing for people to understand sometimes particularly people who have been blessed with all that they need to take care of their children in their home.  Anyone who has ever given birth and looked into their tiny babies eyes can't imagine how anyone could give up their baby, but these birth mothers can't imagine it either.  They have been pushed either by lack of resources, lack of financial ability, or lack of family support to the brink, to a place many cannot understand.

From the adoptive parent side, adoption is so hard. Nothing worth doing is easy in my opinion. We have been registered and approved to adopt since January and submitted our profile around 20 times. Four of those times we were told it is likely that we would be chosen or that we're in the final few, only to find out later that another family was chosen or in one case the parents decided not to go through with the adoption. It's been an exhausting year, but it is still so much about faith. We had to keep reassuring ourselves that God is in control and if it was His Will then the right baby would come along and the birth parents would choose us.

On Wednesday, September 8th, we received an email that we were not chosen for a specific baby that we've been praying about for a while and we had been in the final two families.  Genevieve was devastated and shed some tears and I was frustrated, feeling like our dream is never going to come to fruition. I sat down and tried to wrap my mind around it. I had rented a beach condo beginning on that coming Friday for a month. I hadn't packed a thing because I had been sure that I was going to be getting a baby instead of going to the beach. 

As I sat there, I received a phone call from the National Down Syndrome Adoption Network.  I assumed she was calling concerning the baby we were not chosen for. Perhaps she was going to offer some comforting words as she had before. However, oddly enough she said, "You have been chosen for Baby C." My mind tried to process what she was saying. We had just submitted a profile for Baby C 5 days earlier. All of our close calls had been dragging out for weeks, if not months, requesting a video, an in-person meet up, or dozens of follow-up questions.  How in the world have we been chosen outright without jumping through any other hoops? I probably asked her a half dozen times if this is really it. She assured me, "This is really it!"

Well, it was a whirlwind!  Thursday was spent completing paperwork, making arrangements for the other kids, and packing for the weekend at the beach.  Friday we finished up the last of the paperwork, made flight, rental car, and hotel reservations while trying to make sure the kids were set up for the week and driving down to the beach, 2 and 1/2 hours away.  Saturday we got to take a breath and spend the day with family on the beach, as Brian and I stole moments to discuss his name and other details of the adoption.  Sunday we went to mass together as a family of eight one last time, and then we set off to drive back home with the older three kids, leaving the younger three with my mother at the beach.  

Monday Brian's mom arrived to be the older kids' chauffeur and chaperone during the school week. And we boarded a plane for a small town in Kansas.  We got into town very late and only a couple places were open for dinner. We went into a sports bar to share a hamburger and the basket of chips. There was a football game on and the waiter was discussing it with a lady at the bar. Brian jumped in with a comment about his fantasy football team thing, and that opened up a conversation with these two locals. Turns out the lady owned bed and breakfast in a old historic home in town. And the craziest part was that she, herself, was adopted.  She invited us to her bed and breakfast and we accepted. We would stay in our hotel Monday night and stay in her bed and breakfast Tuesday night after the adoption before moving to a bigger city to wait interstate paperwork.

Tuesday, less than a week after we got the call, Brian and I had lunch together at a cafe as we awaited another call that it was time to go meet the family and pick up Baby C.  We were super nervous and prayed for the birth family.  Well, technically I was super nervous. Brian is always unflappable.

I will always remember that day. Baby C's birth mother was finishing feeding him a bottle. She was surrounded by social workers, her husband, and her in-laws.  I sat near her after the introductions were complete, and after she gave him one final burping she asked me if I would like to hold him.  That moment that she handed her child to me to become my child was surreal. The birth parents were so kind and explained to us why they felt this was their only option with tears and their eyes. Baby C fell asleep on me and we took the time to talk and try to get to know one another. When it came time to leave, it was really hard to see the grief in their faces. What had been a very cordial meeting and casual conversation turned into us all hugging and crying.  As I hugged his birth mother goodbye I whispered in her ear, " I will pray for you." I hadn't planned that. In fact, Brian and I talked in detail about what we should say to them on this day, but we never could come up with anything that seemed to have the gravitas that this moment should have.  Everything seemed trite.  But as I hugged her goodbye, God put on my heart the exact words that needed saying.  

They gave us some clothes that had been gifted to our sweet boy. Every time I look at those clothes I remember his birth parents and I pray for them.

After we got him into the car on Tuesday!  Still in shock and couldn't believe he is actually ours!

Meet Roman Gabriel Charles! Roman gets a bonus middle name to remember his original given name by his birth parents, Charles.  They called him Charlie.  Roman means strong and Gabriel means God is my strong man. We thought this little guy born with an extra chromosome in a town too tiny for his special needs with a heart condition that will require open heart surgery by 6 months of age needed a really strong name.  If you know my husband you know if he does not like unusual names. He loves the names Hannah, Andrew, Benjamin, Bob.  Genevieve and Isaac were concessions he made for me. Roman is another one of those.

This is the lady's bed and breakfast historic house that we stayed in the first night.  After that we headed to a bigger city near an airport.

Look at this dumpling!

Somebody was in love immediately!

However, I have to admit it was hard to come up with a middle name it sounded good with Roman, a middle name that didn't make Roman sound like an adjective. I actually consulted a professional baby namer over the summer to help us come up with a middle name in case we got a boy.  Our girl name is Josephine Dorothy, but it looks like we might not get to use that name.  Go here on Sancta Nomina to see all of her recommendations for middle names for Roman.  It is so ironic that Charles was one of them.  Here is the birth announcement Sancta Nomina too.

The Friday following the adoption, Brian got on a plane and flew back home to play mom and dad while I stayed with Roman in a hotel awaiting the final paperwork approval to cross state lines. It was a good time for us to figure out each other. I'm used to very hectic life style and it was a little quiet for me, but I reminded myself daily this time to bond with Roman without all the distractions of home was a gift.  I was determined to enjoy my quiet "vacation" even though I missed my other six children desperately. They told me to be prepared to stay for up to 3 weeks which seem like an intolerable amount of time to be away from my other kiddos, but we were pleasantly surprised when we got the call and everything was clear only a week after Brian had left.  

My husband quickly made arrangements to drive up and get us, bringing Isaac, Judah, and Bob. My sister took the girls and Drew to the beach that weekend.  Originally, I was going to fly home with Roman but since he had not had a follow up with the cardiologist in person, it was recommended that we drive instead.  It was a 10 and 3/4 hour drive.  Brian and the boys arrived late Friday night, and we went out to dinner together after we introduced them to their new baby brother.  Isaac was completely smitten with Roman and said at least a hundred times, "He's so cute!" Bobby was super happy to see me and seemed slightly disinterested in Roman at first.  Though he later told some friends that he was equally excited to see me and the baby which is really saying something since he's a major Mama's boy. Of course, Judah couldn't wait to hold him- my little cuddle bunny!

We all crammed in our hotel room that night and left first thing in the morning driving all the way to Dallas.  We stopped at my dad's house to visit with him for 2 hours and watch a little bit of the Aggie game.  My mom was still at the beach, of course.  My dad got to hold Romana and kind of adored him.  I was so happy to get home that evening, but also a little bit sad that my other three kids were not there yet.  They'd be getting back the next afternoon.

We went to a later Mass and afterwards visited with our friends that were moving the next week. It was nice to get to show off our beautiful new boy.  Everyone that meets him loves him immediately. He is so chill and quite sleepy that he will go to anyone which makes for a lot of happy people.  

While we were at Mass my sister brought the kids home and Hannah drove them to a nearby Mass at 1:00 p.m.  That was her first time to drive alone since getting her driver's license. Everyone survived!  

The girls went crazy when they saw him and couldn't wait to get their hands on him. Drew played it a little cool that evening, but since has really taken to Roman. Since he barely gave me a hug when he saw me for the first time in 2 weeks, I told him that for a long time every time he sees me he needs to give me a hug to make up for that reunion. 😊

This is a face that we have come to adore, sleepy Roman!

Finding that thumb!

We truly hit the ground running with back-to-back doctor's appointments for Roman on Monday morning. The big kids had the day off of school, so Hannah accompanied me to his appointments. We got many referrals for audiology, ophthalmology, speech therapy for feeding evaluation, and a blood panel ordered to check his thyroid and other levels.  He does have to take thyroid medicine now in the mornings. We crush up the pills and put them in his bottle.  

Home!  Together!  Yay!

The cardiologist did an echocardiogram and showed us the two holes in his heart.  The nurse had told me to feed him a bottle during the Echo but he is so relaxed and chilled out that he just laid there on the table while the doctor performed the procedure.  They said he's doing well, and we're going to put off the surgery as long as we can, up until 6 months. If he becomes symptomatic or doesn't gain enough weight they have a few options to try to delay the surgery.

Our Roman was born the day after Isaac's birthday and was adopted the day after Drew's birthday. He was 6 lb 6 oz when he was born, a little over 8 lb when we adopted him, and he was up to 9 lb 3 oz at his 6 week checkup, only 2 weeks after we got him.  He has a complete atrioventricular canal defect.  We used up all the breast milk his birth mom sent and transitioned him to formula. We ended up changing to a formula with probiotic when he started having trouble pooping.  That has been perfect for him since it solved that problem and seems to have stopped him spitting up out of his nose as well.  He is a dream baby!  We love him so much!

I love the sprawled out look on him!