This is my life.

Well, the last week or so has been, um, interesting, I guess you could say. It has been tough, but peaceful, at least in my soul. To start off the girls are having a hard time with their daddy being gone for a little over a week (so far, but we still have about two more to go.) Genna is back to doing her "acting out" that she was doing when he was gone for a year. And Hannah is back to crying for her daddy at random times. As Sunday Mass ended, she burst into tears after thinking of how Brian sometimes does the readings at Mass. We sat for about 10 minutes after Mass ended just crying and cuddling. Sometimes you've got to get it all out, especially if you have two X chromosomes.

Then there is the fact that I have been a little bit clumsy and done some really stupid things. I can't even write about all the dumb things I have done because it just not worth reliving right now.

Possibly the most difficult thing happened yesterday when Isaac went in for a ENT check up. His ears have been doing much better, but they still have had fluid from time to time. This time his pressure was outside the normal range and they now want to do tubes before he flies. They want to do tubes next Wednesday! Next Wednesday, about a week before we leave Germany, in the midst of doing our final checklist, when Brian will still be gone. Not the best news I've had, I've got to say. Yes tubes are minor, outpatient surgery, but when it is your own little bundle of pure joy that you brought into this world after 26 hours of labor, nurtured through six million illnesses, woke up in the middle of the night for countless times, and who says, "I dove (not a typo, that's how he says love) you, Mama" in the sweetest voice you've ever heard it just seems much bigger than a "minor, outpatient surgery." I am still researching other options and talking to his pediatrician to make sure this is the best thing to do and the best time. As it stands though he is scheduled for the surgery next Wednesday, June 9th. So please pray!

The straw that broke the dam holding back all my built up tears came this morning. I used to be a regular crier before I had kids. I cried nearly every day at least a little. Tears would fill my eyes at a commercial on TV. It didn't take much, but once I became a mother (and got past the postpartum tears) I guess I toughened up. I just was too busy with Hannah's needs and tears to make any of my own. I tend to hold things in more now and just stay busy enough not to dwell on the sad things. The joyful moments still bring tears to my eyes from time to time, but they usually subside quickly without actually falling, but I digress. We have had two big moves since Hannah was born, from Texas to New York, and from New York to Germany. I don't remember crying about either really. New York took a while to adjust to because I had always lived in Texas and it was just so very different, but I don't recall being teary about what we left behind. Here we are preparing for our big move to DC which I am excited about. I told Brian I can't even imagine living on the same continent as a Target and fountain drinks with ice, much less in the same town. But at the same time, here we are leaving behind dear friends, and what's harder this time is that Hannah is old enough to mourn this loss as well. Today she found out her best German friend went on vacation for a month and she didn't get to say, "Good bye." I took one look at her face and knew how much that hurt her. Tears filled my eyes as I hugged her in the hall at Kindergarten. I sucked them in as fast as I could and extended that hug just long enough so she wouldn't see. Then I told her to not think about it for now, but to enjoy her other friends while we are still here. Then I high-tailed it out of there when I knew she was okay. The minute I stepped out of the building the flood of tears came pouring out, and I cried all the way home and then sat with Isaac outside the house to cry a little more. (He was confused, to say the least. It is probably the first time he has ever seen me cry since being aware of that sort of thing.) This move is going to be much harder. I guess it just hit me. I mean what is harder for a mom than to see her children suffer, whether physically like Isaac's surgery, or emotionally like leaving friends behind. Thanks be to God that children are so resilient and bounce back so quickly! God is teaching me so much right now about trusting Him and persevering in peace amidst trials. And I pray that He teaches the children these things too through this life He has chosen for us. May they be the stronger and more faith-filled for it!