We've had a lot of good-byes this summer. And I am afraid the hardest of them all was just this weekend when we had to say good-bye to our unborn child. Our dear Sweat Pea who was due to enter the world on February 6th, 2011 is now with our heavenly Father.
As for what happened, Friday I had an ultrasound and we could not see a baby. Only the amniotic sac was present. The doctor told me that either my dates were wrong and I wasn't 8 weeks along and the baby was too small to see (which was very unlikely) or it was a blighted ovum pregnancy. A blighted ovum is where the baby isn't able to develop at a very early stage because of chromosomal abnormalities. The sac develops and the body thinks it is still pregnant for a while because of the hormones being produced from the sac. Eventually, your body figures out that the baby is already gone and you complete the process of miscarriage. I miscarried on Saturday night and it was confirmed by the doctor Monday.
I am heartbroken. I have been planning for this baby, dreaming of this baby, thinking of names for this baby and now my baby isn't with me any longer. It is strange how you can miss someone you've never even seen. How he or she could leave a hole behind. I am trying to begin to heal now, emotionally and physically. I had no idea how physically traumatic a natural miscarriage could be to your body. I expected the emotional effects, but I am remembering God's blessings all the time. My three healthy beautiful children that are still with me are a huge comfort to me and they don't even know it. I can't help but smile when Isaac asks me to cuddle with him or Genna says she wants to be together with me always or Hannah colors me a stack of pictures before I leave the house without her. And I need those smiles. I am embracing the joy from those smiles.
I am trusting my merciful God and resting in His comfort.
I am taking things one step at a time with His strength.
I am hoping for our family to grow in His good timing.
I am not doing any of these things perfectly.
Good-bye Sweat Pea. I love you.
9 comments:
Kelle, such beautiful words! Thank you for sharing this piece of your heart with us. We will be lifting you up. May His graces continue to flow into your family, and may you continue to understand your days with His sight. You are a beautiful soul! Rest in His gaze. You are doing His work and He is sustaning you. One moment at a time. We are with you in spirit and we love you through Him. He is so beautiful and He loves you so much! You are a perfect servant, you are so inspiring and so blessed!!!
Kelle,
You and your family will be in our prayers as you grieve the loss of your little one. Hugs.
Elizabeth
Oh, Kelli! I am so sorry for your loss and will most definitely keep you in my prayers during these sad days. We lost a baby last August, and it IS such a heartache! May Our Lady comfort you and may Our Lord fortify you. Sweet Pea, pray for your Mommy!
You're inspiring. I love you!
your kids are SO beautiful. it was so good to see you guys yesterday. love you.
Kelle,
I, "Katie Girl" (Janice's friend), check out your blog occasionally and was so sad to see that you lost your baby. I will pray that you will find peace with God's plan as it is hard when our plans don't work out as we had hoped. I should know, I'm a control freak in the worst way. God has a wonderful plan for your beautiful family and I know you will find healing soon. As a side note, a friend of mine had a miscarriage early this year and is now expecting twins before the close of 2010!You just never know what's in store. Here's to peace and healing.
Sincerely,
Katie Girl
Kelle,
I am so sorry to hear this. You will be in my prayers!
I am mourning your loss, and trusting in Our Great Gentle Loving Father that Sweet Pea is at Home with Him, and that He has plans to bring good out of the tragedies of our life. Love you and am praying for you!
Thank you for all your prayers! Your support means the world to me. I would truly appreciate continued prayers since I have been having complications with the miscarriage and been to the doctor too many times in the last week. I am going tomorrow for hopefully a final appointment. God willing my body will begin to heal soon if it hasn't already.
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