Life Goes On

So the timing of our first ever family vacation to the beach with my parents and all of my siblings and theirs spouses wasn't the best as it turns out. Thursday we were all supposed to meet up at the Corpus Christi Islandhouse where we had rented two condos. Well, we all made it eventually; some through torrential downpours from the tropical storm and others (my mom and I) after a loooong trip to the ER. I had some complications with the miscarriage and ended up having to have a minor procedure just shy of a D&C on that day.

Day two didn't start out so well since the tide was way up, the waves were massive, and the seaweed covered what little beach was left. We had to dig ourselves out a plot of sand for the kiddies to play in. Plus, I was now banned from the water and had to sit on the beach and "take it easy" while everyone else jumped in the waves and went on walks. I was sure I had jinxed the whole trip. But as the day progressed things improved significantly. As I sat there in my beach chair in front of the beautiful ocean listening to the waves, I watched with my tears hiding behind over-sized sunglasses my son play in the sand with my brother and sister-in-law, Hannah and her daddy hunting for seashells, and Genevieve twirling like a ballerina in the waves with my mom and dad. Through all the joy I feel in my heart for them and their unequivocal uniqueness, I couldn't help but wonder what the baby I lost would have been if he or she had lived. Would she have been a "trash into treasure" kind of girl like Hannah who makes seaweed into something wonderful and useful? Would he have been content to build sand castles and drive trucks through the sand like Isaac, a little afraid of the big, crashing waves? Or would she have been a free spirit like Genna who dances and sings to her heart's content without a care in the world for who sees her? I decided he or she would have been none of those things, but something completely special and unparalleled. I have to remind myself that someday I will find out. I will meet my Sweet Pea's soul in heaven. And then I will know my child.