Never say never!

I know this. I know that whenever I have said, “I will never…” It has ended up coming to pass eventually. Let’s take the supreme example of my whole life thus far when I said, “I’ll never become Catholic!” Ha! Look at me now. Most people who know me now can’t even imagine me ever saying such a thing. Well, since then, anytime I say I’ll never do something, I get this feeling in the pit of my stomach or a voice in my head that tells me to watch out because it is most likely going to happen now that I’ve opened my big fat mouth. Well, it looks like it has happened again!

I said two things more times than I can even count that I would never do. No, I didn’t listen to the voice inside my head. The first, “I will never be a teacher.” All my life people told me I should be a teacher. I always responded the same way. The second, “I will never home-school.” It’s not that I don’t think home-schooling is great. I know many many many MANY wonderful moms who do it wonderfully well. And it’s not that I can’t teach because I have always been a natural teacher and I even enjoy teaching and the challenge it presents, especially with my own kids. I love the creativity that is necessary to teach certain things to certain kids. You may be asking yourself right now, “Then why in the world wouldn’t you want to home-school?” The bitter truth is that I am selfish. I love the idea of sending my older kids off to school while I focus on, teach, and prepare the younger ones. I also feel a little overwhelmed thinking of teaching them all at their different levels. We, hopefully, are not done having kids and home-schooling a big family is daunting no matter how many women I know that manage it. Plus, there is the issue of my perfectionista coming out and paralyzing me, wanting to do it all and perfectly until I can’t accomplish anything. So a mean combination of selfishness and self doubt have convinced me that I would never…Well, I can’t even say it anymore. Let me tell you the story.

Hannah is going to be starting American kindergarten next year. (German kindergarten is just pre-school which she is already in here so we have to differentiate somehow.) We are moving back to the states, the Maryland side of DC to be more precise. My husband and I both went to private school and always agreed that’s where we would send our kids. Our Catholic faith is the most important thing to us and so we wanted their education centered on it. So I went to DC a few months back and hunted for private Catholic schools. I looked at ten schools in two days getting specially arranged private tours since I was only in for a few days. I narrowed it down to two schools and waited until Brian got back to discuss which one to choose. He helped me decide, we applied and registered her. Then one day, Brian came home from work and as we sat down to eat he said those fated words, “I’ve been thinking…” You know what came next. “I’ve been thinking that it’s just a lot of money to pay for kindergarten when you have already taught her most of what she will learn.” My reaction was, “What do you mean you’ve been thinking?” I was more shocked that he was thinking about something other than work while he was at work. When has that ever happened before? And then the sinking feeling in my stomach was back. He was right and I knew it. I didn’t give in right away, of course. I put up my arguments, if half-heartedly. After about a week of talking with him about it on and off, a few bribes (a housekeeper!) and mulling it over on my own, I knew it was a better idea. Although this doesn’t mean that I will home-school forever, the voices in my head keep saying, “It’s a slippery slope!” Even so, we plan to just take it one year at a time and see how it goes. We won’t always live in DC where it costs an arm and a leg to do anything and perhaps the Catholic schools at our next station will be cheaper. If I am capable of home-schooling at all, it is absolutely for kindergarten and the early years. If kindergarten teachers made more money, I might have even changed my mind about that whole never being a teacher thing. I love the age when they are so moldable and cute!

So this brings me to a question for all my wonderful home-schooling readers out there. What curriculum do you use and what do you like and dislike about it? I have almost finished the book, 100 Easy Lessons, with Hannah. We stopped because of life changing so much around here lately and we have been going slowly at it anyway. I think she is probably on a first grade level in most aspects, so I want to be able to teach her things that normal kindergartners would not learn once we complete the entire kindergarten curriculum like sewing, cooking, science, history, and art. I also want to get a German tutor to help her continue her German. I am excited that we will be able to go to daily Mass and have God in the middle of every subject. I am getting myself geared up, but I would love some encouragement.